Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him.

A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.

A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.

Better never than late.

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich–something for nothing.

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination.

Science never solves a problem without creating ten more.

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.

The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else.

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

The only secrets are the secrets that keep themselves.

The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.

The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.

Most people do not pray; they only beg.

The best place to find God is in a garden. You can dig for him there.